I’m So Tired

It really is stunning how many spoons get taken up arguing with five different people at three different medical companies for two and a half hours, then breaking and spending all afternoon and evening prepping for the next go-round.

They’re important, worthwhile spoons, though, which is why I’m doing it. Spending these spoons now means having more spoons later. But my god, am I feeling totally mentally useless right now.

As annoyed as I was at the crappy batch of pods I got last go-round with the 20% failure rate, I haven’t had any trouble the last three months with the new batch. It’s been sublime. Using a pump means I’m more sane, stable, and sugar-happy than I’ve ever been. I have at least 75% fewer low sugar episodes. I can turn the pump off to avoid a low instead of eating to correct it. I maintain the most stable blood glucose number I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to get my A1c done.

Sure, there’s the hardware changing and moving it around and all that, but jabbing yourself with needles four times a day isn’t exactly hardware-less.

And because of the pump, I’m mentally and physically more “normal” than I’ve been in years.

And they want to take that away from me.

That’s what I’m spending my spoons on.

And I’m so tired.

Tomorrow I get to do it all over again.

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