Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

Why I Still Love My IUD

June 26, 2009

One word:



Got Sex?

February 17, 2009

It’s an indicator of how male-dominated our society is that the fact that women have diminishing libidos and don’t seem to care that much about it is treated as the problem, when in fact it’s merely the symptom of a larger problem–that women feel overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, understimulated, and shamed about their bodies. If we treated the actual problems that women face, higher libidos would be the happy result, I’m sure. But in order to do that, we’d have to treat male domination like a problem to be solved, and since few people really want to do that, instead we’re left with articles that note women’s lack of libido, but carefully resist asking why.

The Brown Bunny

May 30, 2008

Man goes on long road trip with a motorcyle in the back of his van. Makes out with various women along the way named after flowers.

In the end, he gets a not-very-good blowjob from his dead ex (yes, he has lovely boy parts, but it just wasn’t worth an hour and twenty minute road trip to get there).

We are apparently supposed to feel sorry for him because his hour and twenty minutes of quiet roadtripping and anonymous making out are the results of… (wait for it!)… his incredible trauma at having walked in while his girlfriend was passed out and being ganged raped.

No, no, seriously.

She was passed out and being gang raped and he was so traumatized that he LEFT HER THERE BEING GANG RAPED and she later choked on her own vomit and DIED and he was just TRAUMATIZED.



You know, I think it can be fun to mess with the whole expectation of men-as-heros. The reason we have so many stories about heros is that most people really aren’t heros. Most people, in a traumatic situation, freeze up or run away just like this guy did.

But you know what? I really have no sympathy for these people, especially when, you know, their lame-headed lack of spine results in the harm or death of somebody else.

This movie reminded me a lot of The Machinist, where you have this big, long, drawnout buildup to this not-very-compelling ending where it turns out the guy is just wracked by guilt because he’s a fucking fuck-up.

I mean, really.

“Feel sorry for me because I let my girlfriend be gang raped and die!”

Excuse me if I feel a lot more sympathy for the person being brutalized who YOU DID NOT HELP AND THEN BLAMED FOR “FUCKING GUYS.”


There was something else I noticed in this movie that bugged me. Most of the movie is shot from the back seat of his van, so all you ever see is the back of his head. And when he’s making out with these women, and for the majority of the blowjob, all you’re seeing is the women’s reactions.

It occurred to me for the first time (yeah, I know), that every movie I’ve ever seen concentrates mainly on the woman’s reaction during a sex scene. There’s more shots of hip and breast than the man’s ass and shoulders, more of her moaning than him moaning, more of her gasps and sighs and whatevers than his.

I put on The 300 not long after and tested out this theory, and it’s true. Even in the fantasmagoria of man-flesh that is The 300, the sex scene primarily shows how “good” the sex is by showing *her* reactions to this.

I find it annoying that the vast majority of films make the assumption that all men AND women want to see of a sex scene in film is… well, women. Our bodies are already so defined and inscribed with “sex” that to then make every movie sex scene concentrate on women is… really annoying.

I like looking at hot guys. My delight at The 300 is in no small part due to the fact that, yo, there are 300 guys in boy shorts and capes for nearly two hours, with loving, slow-motion shots of rippling abs and asses and buff thighs for nearly two hours! It is delightful.

Watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall was also delightful for the unexpected full frontal you get of the guy. No, he’s not terribly hot, but he’s likeable, and the novelty of seeing a naked guy on screen was pretty fun.

Why is sex always about women? I think one of the best ways to get a lot of guys out of their homophobic freak-out is to get them used to seeing other guys naked… and thinking it’s sexy.

Cause you know what? As women, we’re trained to think that about women from day one. We see it everywhere. All the time.

Sure, maybe there are just more bisexual women than bisexual men… or maybe it’s just that more bisexual women recognize that other desire than bisexual men do. We’re given far more oppotunities to look at other women as sexy, sexual, attractive, as… well, sex.

And here’s my thing about sex. Sex is not just women. Sex is not just two women. Sex is people. That includes men. And you know? I like guys to come with most of my sex.

All puns intended.

You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up

March 7, 2008

I mean, seriously.

Quote of the Day

November 22, 2007

“So I’ve never gotten the bad boy thing… I like good boys. Nice, earnest ones with a scary intellect and a heart of pure tempered carbon steel.. So why did it take me until I was 36 to realize that this is because I’m not a good girl?”

Suddenly, my dating history makes a lot more sense.

Towards a Humanist Pornography

November 19, 2007

But what if there was another history of porn, one that was filled less with pneumatic shaven bodies pummelling each other into submission than with sweetness, silliness and bodies that didn’t always function and purr like a well-oiled machine? The early origins of cinematic pornography tell a very different story about the representation of sex, one that suggests a way both out of the rubberised inhumanity of today’s hardcore obsession but also out of the claim that pornography is inherently exploitative. What if porn stopped being such a brute and actually started to deal with the question of pleasure?

Yes, This is What Happens at Planned Parenthood

October 15, 2007

Over 90% of women of childbearing age use some sort of contraception method. I quickly became aware that my male gender has allowed me to pass through medical school (and life!) totally ignorant of all of this. My patients came in using almost everything–condoms, the pill, the patch, Nuvaring, Depo–and I was left perplexed. What a humbling role reversal–this was one of the first times it’s been so painfully obvious that my patients are more informed about their health and medicines than me.

The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia

October 4, 2007

Because really, who else is going to link to shit like this?

… Toward a Morality Based on Honesty and Consent

August 18, 2007

They hate themselves for wanting what they want and doing what they do . . . so they preach against it, and propose legislation against it, and do everything in their power to relocate their guilt out in the world instead of inside their own treacherous minds and bodies. They may even feel that, in fighting the scourge of homosexuality or whatever, they’re somehow making up for their own misdeeds. I even have some compassion for them, although I’d have a whole lot more if they weren’t screwing things up for the rest of us.

And this is just one more reason we need to work for a new sexual morality – to shift it away from a guilty freakout over which tab goes in what slot, and towards a morality based on honesty and consent.

Buy Me "Love"

August 7, 2007

Fantastic documentary about Japanese “host bars” where women go to pay men to entertain them (and certainly, sometimes, more).

You really should watch the whole thing. I thought the film maker did a great job exploring a number of the complexities involved in this kind of work from the perspective of the hosts and clients (one of the more interesting tidbits: 70-80% of the women who pay extravegent sums for male attention in host bars make that money workingas prostitutes. Watch these sorts of industries perpetuate themselves).